Scattered bits of my awesome brain

Archive for the ‘Mystery’ Category

Hinga…

 

Relaks…

 

Kalma…

 

Anyare mars? Nabaliw ka na? Pero aminin mo, masaya ka. Di man perfect yung setting kagaya nung pinipicture mo dati, perfect naman yung moment. E masaya ka talaga e. Ba’t ganun. Ayaw mo tumigil, binabalik-balikan mo pa rin. Haaaay. Ito kasi yun pinagkait (naks) sayo. Ito yung hinahanap hanap mo. Ito yung gusto mo. Kaya masaya ka. And for once in your life di ka nag-alala. Di mo inisip yung bukas o yung mga susunod na araw. You savored the moment. Ninamnam mo te e. Haggard ka. Pero ayos lang. Kasi nga masaya ka. AT natuto kang wag magexpect. Kung yun lang yun e di fine. Basta sumaya ka, kasi kasama mo siya. Kasi siya yung tumupad dun sa mga  fairytale fantasies mo (hehehe). Pero yun, basta, pagbutihan mo lang jan sa nararamdaman mo. Please wag ka magigising isang araw na mamamatay ka na lang kasi di mo na siya makausap. No strings attached naman e. Wala naman kayo pinag-usapan. Kung may mabubunga to, e di bonggang bonggang better! Kung wala, life goes on. Kaya mo yan.

 

Basta sa ngayon hinga ka muna. Ang likot ng puso mo e. At siya lang at yung moments niyo yung laman ng isip mo. May thesis ka pa huy. Yun muna ngayon. Tas bukas, kung meron pa, e di go. LANDI NA. =))))

 

#sanamagprosper

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Today I rest my case.

I have loved you for five years now. Since the day we met ‘til forever I guess. I don’t know why I feel this way. Why my love for you is this strong. In between those five years, you have showed me that you love me too, that you care for me too. But during those precious moments, it had been clear to me that it was I who feel more strongly. I love you more than you love me. I care for you more than you care for me. I think of you more than you think of me. And I treasure this relationship more than you do.

Okay, I get it. You have a lot of other things to do. You have lots of problems, you have to deal with this and that, and you have to face your insecurities first. But why do I always have to suffer? Why do I always have to understand you? Why do I have to cope up with all your stuffs while you cannot cope up with mine? This is not a healthy relationship, I know. But still, I held on, I chose to love you. I chose to be hurt but be happy with you. I chose you because I love you. But you just need to make things worse. You have to make it hard for me. You just need to hurt me more to prove to yourself that I really love you. Damn you and your insecurities. You’re making me suffer. But again, I’ve been patient with you, because I love you.

Now, you continue to test my patience. Our relationship had long been over, but our love just grew stronger. We may not have a constant communication, but we give each other a beep once in a while. Everytime I talk to you, I feel something that I didn’t feel before. Now you truly care, now you love me more. You’re a wonderful picture in my head, but you grow more wonderful everytime I think of you and your beautiful words perfectly stringed together to make me heart sing. I’m in a pit, drowning in your love, the love that I now felt was better than before. The love that requires nothing, asks for nothing but gives everything. Now I can say, we love each other equally, but on some occasions, I can say that you love me more. I am happy, because though our relationship had long been gone, you’ve at last proven to me that you’re worthy of every tear I cried, every sleepless night I had, every fear in my heart, and every uncertainty that I have for the future.

You taught me to be strong. You helped me mature. And I want to thank you for that. Well, actually, your absence made me achieve these things, but that’s about the same thing. Now I have no expectations. Whatever happens will happen. If we will be together again, then it’s fine, I would be really happy. But if not, at least I’m stronger now. I know you will be happy with or without me, and I know I can be happy too, at the right time. Sadly, I still feel that I’m depending way too much on you, which is not good. But I know that I will surpass that also, I’m growing up, see? Thank you for everything. Again, I am not expecting for anything. But I will be happier, if forever, by my side, you’ll stay.

But for now, I rest my case.

 

I wrote this whatever months ago. I hope to feel this way forever. But now I’m again in pain. I lost you, you hurt me, again. For the nth time we went on that roller coaster ride. But now I’ve decided that next time you ask me to ride it again I will say no, or will I? I don’t know. I hate you for being so irresistible. Or maybe because as of now I feel that you are the only person I can give this love to. I have so much love to give but no one to give it to. And you are not even worthy. You douche, you ass, you jerk. Aghk. But. You’re you. And that makes me love you more. Or I don’t know if I still love you. I can’t define what this shit I’m feeling is. And it hurts me, continuously. </3

Yes. Exactly

Uncertain. That seems to be my favorite word for weeks now. That seems to be the word that best describes my life, my future.

I had it all planned out. I had chosen my path and I had planned my future waaaay before I entered college. But now everything is all messed up. Everything collapsed. Everything is ruined. 😐

I don’t know how to explain this, I don’t even know how to put this in words. All I know is I’m scared, really really really scared.

I thought my path is already clear. I have chosen the road that I will take, the little yellow brick road that will take me to my heart’s desire. But suddenly, I found that the little yellow brick road comes to an abrupt end. I wasn’t prepared. This is not part of the well-thought-off plan.

A much smaller pink road is in sight, but this road will lead me somewhere I don’t want to go. It will lead me to a place far from where I really want to go. 😐 😦 😦 But this pink road will give me other options, other opportunities. Will I take it or will I try to build an extension to the yellow brick road?

I’m confused. I can’t decide. Time is pressuring me to decide on this matter now. But I still have to fulfill one task before I will be able to make a decision. That task will be the deciding factor on which road I will pursue. Also, I hope that in the middle of my thinking, a fairy godmother, a tin can man, or a brave lion will come and help me out. I wish for solutions to fall down from the sky. I wish for problems and uncertainties to just vanish, evaporate, and not bother me for the rest of my life. I wish for peace. 😐

I want a problem-free life. I think I have experienced enough to teach me lessons that’ll last a lifetime. 😦 😦 😦

Yes. You. It’s still is and will always be you. Ikaw lagi ang rason. Para ka kasing mushroom. Bigla na lang susulpot. Try mo minsan tagalan pwede? Para masulit ko naman. Kailan ulit? Kailan? Mag-aantay na naman ako. Ng walang katapusan. Pero hindi naman walang katuturan. Kasi para sayo naman.

Yieee. Kinilig ka alam ko. Pangalawang post na to para sayo. Natuwa ka naman? Wag masyado, kasi baka huli na to. HAHAHA. Oo, baka huli na to. Kasi ayoko ng magsulat ng tungkol sa pagkamiss ko sayo, baka mafeel mo na masyado. Tadyak gusto mo?

Pwede bang constant na? Pwede bang tuloy-tuloy na? Mas busy ako sayo alam ko, pero mas sakitin ka kaysa sakin, oo. Kasi naman, ang dami tuloy hadlang. May pinangako ka nito lang, tanda mo pa ba? Kasi kung hindi na sasapakin kita. Kaso pano mo matutupad yun? Di mo pa nga maayos sarili mo. Kaya ako, magaantay na naman. Ganun na lang? Hindi ba pwedeng madaliin na? Ang tagal naiinip na ko. Naiinis na ko.

Ang galing ko diba. Kasi nakakapaghintay ako. Ang patient patient ko nga pagdating sayo e. Abusado ka naman. Alam ko di mo kasalanan pero pwede namang gumawa ng paraan. Kasi ayaw mo kaya ka maraming dahilan. Hahaha. Oo inaaway na naman kita. Namiss ko e bakit ba. Sarap mo tadyakan ng lima.

Kaya sige na please. Tama na. Baka maasar ako ng tuluyan, ako naman maging mushroom. Kaso ako yung mushroom na rare, mahihirapan ka ng matagpuan. Kaya pag nabasa mo to umayos ka na ha? Last na to pramis talaga. Ingat ka. Pagaling ka. Miss na kita. :* >:D<


Yellie Jelly :D


Blabbermouth. Primadonna. Irrational. Impulsive. Critical. AWESOME.